5 Ways To Approach Your Partner About Couples Therapy
Explain why Although your specific reasons for starting couples therapy might vary depending on the relationship, there is usually a common thread: a commitment to your relationship and partner. So when first bringing up couples therapy, it might be a good idea to emphasize how much you value your relationship and want to work on making it the best it can be for both of you. This can help keep your partner from going immediately on the defensive and can help you ultimately have a more productive conversation.
Pick a good time: Timing is key when it comes to starting a conversation about couples therapy. Try not to mention it immediately following an argument (even if it’s tempting); instead, it’s better to mention couples therapy after a nice bonding moment or date night. This way you are not going into the discussion with anger about another issue that will distract you from the conversation. Plus, choosing the right time means that it will be easier to make the conversation a discussion about growing as a couple with the help of a therapist, rather than a confrontation that will put them in defensive mode.
Tell them the research: Before bringing up the conversation with your partner, do your own research on the subject. Collect articles and other statistics that can demonstrate to your partner the usefulness and effectiveness of couples therapy. Bring up this research in your conversation, and welcome them to do their own research as well to help them feel more comfortable about the subject.
Acknowledge their fears: Remember that you have had time to adjust to the idea of couples therapy in your own mind before you brought it up to your partner. They might need time to adjust as well. There are a lot of fears and stresses around therapy that might stop them from feeling comfortable saying “yes” right away. Throughout your conversation, leave space for them to open up to you about these fears, and do not dismiss them. Acknowledge them and work together to find a solution that makes both of you feel ready to go into couples therapy together.
Explain why it’s important to you: Make sure to explain why you want to attend couples therapy with your partner. This will require you to be vulnerable (which is good practice for therapy in general!), and it can also help your partner see why you value it. You also do not need to commit to a therapist just yet; you can ask your partner if they’d be willing to attend one session with you. Then you can go from there.
And if that doesn’t work…
Offer other options: Couples therapy is not your only option, and you should mention that to your partner as well. You don’t want them to feel stuck agreeing to your decision; couples therapy that feels one-sided will not be nearly as effective. Look for other resources that might help you work together as a couple; there are plenty of relationship books, coaches, and even card games that can help open up communication between the two of you. This also might help warm your partner up to the idea of couples therapy, which you can always revisit later.
