Forward Thinking in Fast Changing Times
When I recently finished reading Dr. Marc Brackett’s best-selling book, Permission to Feel, I had initially expected to take away a few key points to help me inform some decisions that I would make in structuring my skills sessions for this coming school year. But, it did so much more than that for me.
Every day at work, part of my job is to help my students express their emotions openly and regulate them effectively. While I was reading, I thought to myself, “How good am I at truly checking in with myself and sharing my emotional state with those around me?” To be honest, I tend to internalize the way I feel to the point of feeling anxious and down on myself. While I’ve certainly improved my self-care regimen over the years, it’s far from perfect. My job in the mental health field has reminded and encouraged me to unmask my struggles with anxiety and make it a priority to decrease the stigma that surrounds it.
Unfortunately, the society that we live in is shame-ridden. We feel shame in every facet of our lives. One of my favorite authors, Brene Brown said in her book, Braving the Wilderness, “what we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human,” and I think this quote resonates deeply right now during this global pandemic. Almost all aspects of our personal and professional lives have changed significantly over the past five months from the way we communicate with family members and friends to the work environment that we find ourselves in every day. So, now more than ever it is so important that we are taking the time to prioritize our mental health and truly give ourselves permission to feel a wide variety of emotions.
Over time, we’ve conditioned ourselves to believe that telling others, “I’m fine, I’m good and I’m okay is enough when someone asks us how we are feeling. I am just as guilty of this as you are. Dr. Brackett opens the first couple of chapters with this simple question and gives you permission to reflect on your true emotional state. During COVID, everyone’s plans have been canceled or rescheduled at least once but most likely a multitude of times. Weddings, baby showers, galas, birthday parties, sports events: the list goes on and on and while it has been difficult to process these changes, I want to personally encourage you to keep planning for the future. I am a planner by nature of my personality and I can’t say for certain that this is a one size fits all strategy, but actively reminding yourself to be a forward thinker can most certainly help you to cope with cancellations.
Using forward-thinking to cope with changing external variables that are out of your control is not all-inclusive. There isn’t a specific formula that works better than another. However, I’ll share a couple of examples from the book that I have found to be useful.
The other day, I used the Passion Roadmap in my agenda to write out my mid-year goals for the next three months and one year. It also gives you the option to imagine what goals you want to achieve in three years and in your lifetime. After completing this activity, I felt almost instantly more motivated to start making little changes to help me be the best version of myself. I truly believe the best is yet to come for all of us.
Another way to practice forward-thinking in your daily routine is to set aside a specific date or time each week to do something you enjoy or spend time with those close to you (even if it’s just a Zoom call). How you use this strategy is completely up to you, but if you know that you have a stressful work week ahead, Dr. Brackett recommends scheduling something after your big project deadline, presentation, etc. in order to give yourself at the very least that one thing to help you just simply enjoy time with people you care about, relax in your favorite place around town, do a virtual yoga class or whatever activity brings you joy.
I am so excited to use the tools that I have learned in this book to help me be a part of the “emotion revolution” in the school that I am currently working in. I am also finding that I have caught myself in the act of brushing off my emotions and have been trying to make a whole-hearted effort to be more transparent in the way I express my own feelings. I can’t recommend this book enough to everyone. There is something for everyone to learn about giving yourself and others, permission to feel.
